Watching
by Major Clanger
Summary: *Spoilers for Season 5 ep 'Meridian'* - the main event from a very minor character's point of view.


Title: Watching  
  
Author: Major Clanger  
  
Email: majclanger@aol.com  
  
Category: Epilogue/pov  
  
Pairing: none  
  
Spoilers: Season 5 Meridian  
  
Season: 5 (after Meridian)  
  
Rating: G  
  
Warning: none  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Summary:  
  
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and it's characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Productions. These stories are for entertainment purposes only, and no money exchanged hands. Really. Honestly. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and stories are the property of the author. That is me, and I write under the name of "Major Clanger" for reasons that are unclear, even to me. These stories may not be posted elsewhere without my consent, although if you really want to, you could send me an e-mail and ask. After you get the smelling salts under my nose, I'll probably say "yes".  
  
Author's notes: I often wonder about the peripheral characters – and you don't get much more peripheral than the nurses in the SGC infirmary. This was a sort of challenge from... oh yes, I'll name you Tiny Coward! To write a fic about something that happened in the show from the POV of a minor or pheripheral character. The main characters aren't allowed to have their own voice.  
  
Yet again my thanks to Kat for the beta. xx  
  
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You would have thought I'd be used to it all by now, the stream of strange injuries that come through the doors of the infirmary are like something out of the movies. I reckon if this was a film or TV show the audience would really have to suspend their disbelief. That's without mentioning the times some of the team members have literally come back from the dead after being in a sarcophagus. I'm never going to get used to that piece of equipment, those Tok'ra healing devices are strange enough.  
  
I wasn't on duty when SG-1 came back this time, but I soon heard about the panic that their dramatic arrival let loose on the base. I'm glad I wasn't part of the decontamination team. That word sounds so harmless, try saying it if you don't believe me, but the reality is pretty gruesome.  
  
By the time I came on duty he had been decontaminated and was sitting on his bed. At first I couldn't believe it, I thought he was *working*, but when I went over to check on him, he was looking through the medical encyclopaedia – and checking what it said on some webpages – to see what was going to happen to him.  
  
Unbelievable though it sounds, he asked me to go through it all with him, like it was some kind of test – he wanted to get it straight before he told Colonel O'Neill. Of course, I offered to tell the Colonel myself, but you know how Dr. Jackson is, he wanted to do it himself. Don't ask – I have no idea why.  
  
So we sat there for about an hour. First we went through it all together, he is – *was*, he was, I'm never going to get used to talking about him in the past tense – a really quick study. I used to think that SG-1 drew the short straw having a civvy like him on the team. Do you remember what a geek he was when he first came back? Cute but geeky. But – well, there's no explaining it really, he just sort of learned the military stuff by osmosis or something, and that was it.  
  
Anyway, I digress. After we went through everything, he told me again what was going to happen. Honestly, if you had been sitting opposite him you would have been crying too. He was so sweet, gave me his box of Kleenex, and reached out to pat my knee. Of course, he pulled right back, not sure if he was allowed to touch anyone, the look on his face nearly broke my heart. Me! I'm the hard-bitten military nurse and the patient who was dying an unbelievably horrible death was trying to pat my knee. I'll never live it down.  
  
So there we were. I was sitting on the bed with Daniel Jackson. He was in those horrible white pyjamas that you get in the infirmary, handing me tissues as though it were me about to pop my clogs and not him. When he finished his run-through, he sort of coughed to try to get my attention, finally he did pat my knee – I mean, I couldn't look at him, it was all too much. Then he squeezed my leg and grabbed my hand. Well, I had to look. He has – darn it, had. HAD – these incredible blue eyes. I thought he was looking right inside me the way he was staring at me.  
  
Daniel knew that it was chewing me up inside and he patted my knee and said it would be okay. He asked for some coffee – don't tell Dr. Frasier she'll kill me if she knew – so I got him some from the nurse's station.  
  
When I got back to him he'd cleared away the books and his computer. I stood in the doorway for a while, just looking at him. He got a whole lot younger looking in those few hours, but his eyes… they were so old. You'll think I'm a complete nut-job saying this, but he looked so wise. And just a tiny bit scared.  
  
After he had the coffee, he asked if I could call the Colonel for him. Like he thought that Colonel O'Neill had gone home, or gone to his office or something! Just acting all normal, in that lovely polite way, asking me to call his boss.  
  
Then I saw something in those eyes – he was trying so hard to make out that everything was normal, and I got this flash. It was like… oh I don't know. Like if he pretended hard enough that things were okay, then he would be able to cope. But it wasn't him that needed to cope, I realised that as soon as I left the room.  
  
O'Neill was right outside, trying to look all casual – completely failing at that one! He was standing near the notice board pretending to read that stuff, all the really interesting stuff like duty rosters, daily orders and that "for sale" notice for that old pick up of Cathy's. He didn't read a word of any of it, his head didn't even move, and how he thought he was fooling anyone that he can read through nearly closed eyes... well I don't know. But do you want to know what the big give-away was?  
  
He wasn't fiddling with any of it. Usually he's pulling out the pins, re- alligning the notices, making sure there is a pin in each corner, that the pins in each notice are all the same colour. You know, all that nervous stuff he does until you tell him that his team, whichever one it is, is okay.  
  
When I told him that Daniel wanted to see him he looked at me, but he wasn't looking at me. He just turned in the direction of the sound of my voice. It's something we see all the time in the infirmary, especially just after you've just given someone really bad news. That sort of blank look, which isn't really blank at all, just a 'not really taking everything in' sort of look.  
  
Well I walked over to the Colonel and he turned towards me and all the time he was just thinking that one of his team was in the infirmary and most likely not coming out again. Hardass? My ass! That guy is as soft as anything – once you crack that naquada-grade exterior of his. I had to ask him three times if he would come in, he just looked right through me. So I touched his arm, and he nearly jumped a mile.  
  
Those bruises I got – one on each bicep, from the way he gripped my arms – they're going to be around for ages. That will teach me to 'creep up' on a Black Ops Colonel. He was so sweet though, couldn't apologise enough, wanted to take me to see the doctor, all sorts of stuff. Right until Irealised what he was up to – he was putting off going in to see Dr. Jackson. So I just pushed him in the direction of the doorway and hoped for the best.  
  
Do you remember getting summoned to see the principal at school? He was like that. O'Neill got to the doorway, sort of stopped, then stood really straight, then he sort of slouched and sauntered right on in. Just like it was an everyday thing. I was still holding the chart, so I thought I'd better replace it.  
  
Oh okay, I wanted to see how they were getting on. But when I got to the doorway I couldn't go any further. I felt like a peeping Tom or something.  
  
Daniel sat on the bed and just went through the whole list of what was about to happen to his body, he didn't miss a beat. The Colonel was trying to make him understand that he was going to die, to get him to put his brain into gear and work out how to save himself, or at least who we could contact to save him. I swear to God at one point I thought O'Neill was going to punch Daniel out, right after Daniel said that he was only one person and that they didn't go running to the Asgard or Tok'ra every time someone broke a fingernail.  
  
O'Neill nearly lost it, but – and it was difficult to see this bit – I guess he got one of those burning into your soul looks from Daniel because he kind of accepted, but didn't accept, that he was about to lose a member of his team. Permanently this time. I don't know how to describe it, one minute he's arguing the toss with Daniel, and the next? It's like they are – were – telepathic. Like Daniel made him understand without talking to him.  
  
Does this sound crazy?  
  
O'Neill left after that so I went to check on my patient. He said that the Colonel had probably gone to fight General Hammond about getting some help and that it was a waste of time.  
  
You know, apart from that kid that we pulled out of the chemical thing that time – remember him, can't have been more than 19? – I have never seen someone so ready to just let go of everything and everyone, and die like that. I hope I've got that much guts when the grim reaper comes for me, but I reckon he'll have to chase me round the room with that scythe of his a few times before I'm ready. I wonder if it's a lifetime of looking at dead bodies and examining the detritus of their everyday lives. Maybe he was calm about it because he knows that even after you die there is something left?  
  
Anyway, after that it got pretty yukky. Daniel started to get all these lesions on his body, some erupted on his face and it was obvious that the same was going on inside him too. Eventually he gave in and asked for painkillers. At one point I was sure he was going to ask the Doc if she would... well you know... help him along. But I guess he knows her better than that.  
  
I went off shift then, but when I got back there had been a deterioration like you would never believe. I was only gone 5 hours – I slept in the duty bunk – and when I went to see if Daniel wanted some coffee there he was looking like... well, honestly he looked like the sort of thing he used to study. Head to toe in bandages. He was a bit woozy from the sedatives, and he was on enough painkillers to down a horse. It was awful and I'm afraid I didn't manage to be very professional about checking everything.  
  
He asked me to sit with him for a while and have a chat – how could I refuse? So I just told him about this book I've been reading, a complete piss-take about archaeologists discovering a complete Viking ship in Scotland but I had to stop when I realised that making him laugh was only hurting him.  
  
Anyway, Major Carter came in then, so I moved out of the way. By then though, the doctor's orders were that someone was in the room at all times, so I had to stay. Honestly, I had no idea about her. She always seems so focussed and confident. Hard-faced sometimes even. I don't think there was anything, you know like *that*, between them, but she's going to have a really hard time now he's dead. Well, not dead, gone to... wherever.  
  
That little scene was bad, but there was worse to come. Teal'c brought some statue thing – some thing that warriors take when they die. Jeez I thought the big man was going to lose it, but he's so dignified and silent. And so sad, I would never have believed it possible, but there it was. He may have hung on to his emotion, but I couldn't. Doctor's orders or not, I had to go then. So shoot me! When I got back Daniel was asleep, maybe he was dreaming about his wife or something, but it didn't look really restful.  
  
I heard someone over by the doorway, and there was Colonel O'Neill. He didn't know what to do with himself. So I went out to talk to him. Explained how Daniel was and so on. But he doesn't really pay attention to the details. He just wants the bottom line. He must be a nightmare to work with sometimes.  
  
I'll say this though, he might not look like he pays attention, but he really does take stuff on board. He was asking me how far along Daniel was with the list of symptoms and stuff, and when I told him he just nodded and said that he'd better go in and do his thing.  
  
'His thing' tends to be killing people so I was a bit worried, but then I thought those two are – *were*, damn, I'm never going to get used to this – so close that maybe they have – *had* – an 'arrangement'. Turns out there is a touchy feely side to the Colonel too. He told Daniel that he 'admired' him.  
  
I guess that's as close as an Alpha Male will get to telling another non- related guy that he loves him. No, not like you're thinking... although... no, 'don't ask don't tell' does not apply here. Really. I'm sure. Positive. No. Okay, maybe there is – was – more to their relationship than ... see, don't ask don't tell. There is a reason for that. Who cares? Not me.  
  
After that there wasn't much else to do. Just watch him die. I didn't want to stay there, but I didn't want to leave. I mean, we – me and Daniel – we went through that whole list of things that were going to happen. There was nothing to do for him, just be there I guess – but it hurt. It hurt a lot just to watch him like that.  
  
When General... oh yeah, Jacob/Selmac... turned up I thought that we might get to keep Daniel after all, but then it all got really strange. I know that this is a weird place but there were so many people in the room with Daniel.  
  
  
  
Major Carter had been trying the Tok'ra healing thing. It didn't work, I'm not convinced that it made him worse but she took it really badly. I guess that's what happens when you're usually so brilliant: failure sucks so much worse. When Selmac picked up the device the Major cringed. For a moment there I thought that Teal'c was going to walk over and put his arm round her, but he didn't.  
  
I don't really know what happened after that. Selmac was doing the light thing, we were all watching the monitors and suddenly the Colonel comes out with the 'Stop, it's not what he wants' speech.  
  
They were all stunned, but I reckon that there is more to O'Neill than meets the eye. There was definitely some connection between him and Daniel – he seemed so sure. And not at all sad, to be honest, I was a bit mad at him for that at the time.  
  
That was it then. There was this moment where everyone was confused but I was watching the bed, with one eye on the monitor.  
  
It was the oddest thing. There they were, helplessly standing by as a good friend died then he sort of let out this long breath and he was gone. Just a pile of bandages. Oh yeah, and a swirly floaty light thing that went up through the ceiling.  
  
I should have known that he of all people wouldn't just die on us, but still. It was really strange. Like how they described it that time they all went looking for the baby. Do you think he's going to be happy like that?  
  
I think I'd be happier knowing I had lived my life and was providing food for generations of worms. But then I don't have a whole bunch of friends and family to leave in the lurch like that. When I'm gone, that's it. Sad but true.  
  
But Daniel Jackson... he didn't have any family, apart from his grandfather and he's off somewhere, isn't he? SG-1 were his family, and General Hammond.  
  
And Colonel O'Neill – he lost his boy, didn't he? I wonder if he'll be alright after this, he and Daniel were pretty good friends. Well I said that already. He might go off all strange again. I don't want to be around picking up the pieces if he loses it. Maybe I'll put in for a posting to Anchorage or something.  
  
Major Carter will be okay I reckon. She's got her dad with her which is good, and she pretty much said a proper goodbye. Even General Hammond popped in to have a word, and the Doc spent a few hours sitting with Daniel when they went back to Colona.  
  
She was just sitting close – I reckon she thought holding his hand would hurt him too much – not really talking but I reckon he knew what she meant.  
  
Teal'c must be used to losing people. I mean, he's way over a hundred years old – did you know that? It's on his records somewhere – so he must have seen friends come and go. He's a warrior anyway, they die all the time, don't they?  
  
Colonel O'Neill seemed so, well I don't know so together. It's like the calm before the storm. Something has got to give, surely?  
  
I've never managed to work out how people can just carry on with their lives after something like this. I mean, I don't have that much experience of my family dying, but I remember what it was like when my grandmother went and I have lost friends. Also and I've seen how it gets other people when someone in their family dies. Sometimes it takes months for the grief to show, but it always comes out in the end. Like I said, Anchorage is looking good right now.  
  
It seems like SG-1 is staying on active duty, for a while anyway. There aren't really enough teams to cover for them right now... maybe it will be for the best. Let's just hope they all come back in one piece this time.  
  
~The End~ 


End file.
